We drove back to Iowa the Sunday after Thanksgiving

Wait.
I'll start where I left off.
The day after Thanksgiving was a day of shopping. Not for me. But for Blake. To be honest, I wanted to shop, but with the girls it wasn't gonna happen. Blake went with his Dad. This was all in Galesburg, IL.

They went to Menards and got 9 doors. I want to update the doors from flat to cute-er (grammar nazis accept that I ignore rules) faux-six-panel, which were on a great sale. Being the newbies that we are, we didn't think about which way they needed to open, just the size. So Blake guessed.
When he got back we talked it through we thought maybe he only guessed half right. (Later in person in the house, he discovered he only got one wrong! (Easy return.) Nice job!)
He also got some tools.
Some varnish.
And a ladder.

The next day he left  went back to Champaign (a 2.5 hour drive) with his Dad in his truck to drop off the doors and do some more shopping.

While he was away I started to fade out as a human being. The exhaustion from all the work and travel caught up with me. And then the inevitable food dilemmas we encounter when not in our own home, with all the food allergies my girls have started to make my feel emotionally squashed. It had also been about a week and a half of sleeping terribly since everywhere we were, essentially all four of us were sleeping in one room waking each other up. And sharing a room meant never having personal space. (Especially after I was done going to work on the house.) So I was starting to fizzle.

Here is their day:
Forgive me Blake if I get this kinda off.
First they drooped off the doors. They even set up the new table saw and trimmed one door to fit and hung it! (Can't wait to see it!)
Then they went Menards in Champaign to get the vinyl sheet. And brought that back to the house.
Then they took out the old washer and dryer and went to get the new-to-us (used off craigslist) washer and dyer.
They didn't put those back in the laundry room because for one, the floor in there is D-I-R-T-Y! And two, the water valves need to be replaced they are very corroded.
Then they went to check on our old house across town. I don't know if I blogged about this or not, but we couldn't get our house sold, so we rented it out (this is the second set of renters. We've tried to sell twice and have instead rented twice now. I love that house, but neighborhood isn't selling.) and our renter said that in the last storm the back yard fence fell down.
We didn't know how bad that would be...if we would have to take out the whole thing and get new concrete or what. But turns out it just had one panel needed to be screwed back into place. (Quite relieving for us.)
So they ran back to our new house to get the tools they needed and found out that the water had been escaping out of that corroded laundry valve while they were gone! Good thing they needed to pick up some tool, or the water would have been running for a week and half while we were gone! So they closed it up better and went and fixed the fence and a door knob there.
Finally they could come home.

When they got back I was so glad Blake was home, but in that despite harried mom way that only seems snippy instead of hair blowing in the wind romantic. (Which is SORT OF the real feeling only its been drowned by exhaustion.) (You mommas know what I mean.)
So when Blake was telling me about his day and he mentioned the vinyl sheet he told me it wasn't on sale and I totally emotionally collapsed inside. I was no longer sane. He said he still bought it but that it was $1.19 ft instead of the $0.49/ft in the flyer. Ok I knew now he didn't get the one I told him to get because I went into the store to look at it before the sale and its in a weird location, so he just never found it. I therefore began to fear what he had bought was some crazy looking monstrosity that would ruin all my design schemes, and then I realized how I didn't actually love the one I picked out, it was just something that wouldn't cost too much while we are doing all this other stuff...so....if I was gonna spend more I might have picked something totally different. And my designing world started to die. I tried to remain calm but instead just got insanely whiney and annoying.
Poor Blake.
I am ridiculous.
The next day I called Menards with my new plan. I would buy the right one over the phone and return the other stuff.
The guy who talked to me on the phone may as well have been a marriage counselor. He told me that the stuff we didn't buy was as cheap as it was for a reason, and he really wouldn't recommend it at all. That what Blake had accidentally bought was worlds above, so "he may actually have done you a favor." Plus, he told me it had now gone on sale and I could get a refund for the sale price if I bring in the receipt.
Phew...crisis averted.
(Also I figured out which one he bought and am on board with it visually.) All is good with the world.

I also got crabby with Blake about a few other things over the course of that day and the next.
I totally didn't want to I was just really feeling some major stress and taking it out wrong.
(I'm really sorry Blake!)

So Sunday we came back to Iowa.
I didn't want to.
Once I was in Illinois it just felt wrong to leave. I wanted it to be permeant already.
I wasn't looking forward to getting here.
But once we got in the door I totally got hit in the face emotionally with wistfulness for the place.
I was dumbfounded and irritated.
I can't take any more back and forths.
Blake and I were talking about it and he said its like when you carry a bucket of water and it starts to slosh, and eventually it just starts to spill out back and forth as you go. I was like "Yes that's it totally."
I'm not meant to live in to places at once.

Then Monday I was literally freaking out. (Peg + Cat anyone? I was hearing her voice in my head all day. "I'm totally freaking out!")
I got on the phone with my mom to plan when I would come back to IL. And after talking through the schedule I realized that even though we are officially moving on Dec 21st, I may only have one week left here.
I'm gonna take the girls to my mom's this monday and work on the floors and stuff. Blake is gonna stay back and work.
She was like, you know, you may not need to go back. (I had been assuming I would.)
And like that, my mind exploded.
ALL THE THINGS I NEED TO DO!!!!!!!!!
ONLY ONE WEEK!!!!
WITH TWO KIDS!!!
I CAN'T EVEN DO THE DISHES NORMALLY WITH THEM AROUND!!!!
I'M GONNA DIE!!
REMEMBER LAST TIME YOU MOVED,  HOW HARD THAT WAS?!?!
THAT WAS WITH ONLY ONE, NOW THERE IS TWO, YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT!!!

Monday I was basically paced around and needed to get a sedative (which I didn't receive) and got nothing done.

Tuesday (I think, or that could have been Monday too) I started calling moving companies and my brain nearly melted.
TOO MUCH EMOTIONS!!
Instead of packing, I sewed the last bit of Jasmine's new room decor. It's all I could handle.
But that required a trip to the store, and it felt overwhelming with the girls. But we got it done.

She wants a rainbow room.

Wednesday I called my dad, after a half day of still freaking out. And he prayed off some fear, nervousness, anxiety, perfectionism, fear of failure, and the like.
And WOW.
That has helped me so much. I can't even really describe it.
(Thank you, to other friends who have been praying for me too! I really needed it.)

Today (Thursday) was basically a fantastic day since I wasn't so bogged down by that deep feeling of anxiety and pressure.
Its kinda crazy because it should have been way more stressful because of all we had going on, but I felt great.
I had to clean (despite packing) because:
We had the city come inspect our duplex (for the rental company, to make sure its to code.) While they were here Jasmine wooed them with her cuteness and story telling.
Next we had a family come look at our duplex to see if they might want to rent it. They had two girls our girls age. And Jasmine was just chatting up that girl like there was no tomorrow. And she was DEVASTATED that they had to leave after only a few minutes.
It was heartbreakingly adorable. I had to console her for about 10 mins after they left and repeatedly through out the day.
Next came a moving company to estimate moving costs. Jasmine also wooed him by telling him all about herself including her food allergies. lol. That's one of those strange experiences for me. I thought she sounded outstandingly cute, I was totally proud of her for knowing what she can and can't eat, and for being so emotionally calm and matter a fact about it. But it makes me wince because I wish she could eat it.
Then it was nap time.
Next we ran to the doctor because Jasmine was seeming like she might have a UTI.
WOW! Was that an adventure.
Normally I've taken to letting Blake take Jasmine to the doctor because its easier. But he was busy, so I had Jasmine and Ruby.
Today was REALLY cold. So we got in lots of warm stuff and left.
Everyone hated the walk into the building. (My hands were in insulated leather gloves, and when I got inside they still hurt like I was bared handed!)
Then I had to somehow get Jasmine to pee in a cup. That's hard enough...I also have to keep track of a 17 month old simultaneously.
I chose to stay optimistic and capable. (Something I wouldn't have been able to do pre-praying.)
We had our own private bathroom.
So I set Jasmine and my coat and left Ruby running around in hers.
Jasmine is terrified of using a toilet without a kid sized seat.
So I knew there was no way for me to hold her over a toilet and hold the cup.
I came up with a plan.
I took off everything on Jasmine lower half and just held the cup there and told her to pee standing up.
It took her a minute, but she did it!
It was awesome!
Then I looked over and realized Ruby had been dipping her glove into the un-used toilet the whole time. It also was awesome. *headshaking* Taking her coat off too would have been the better plan.

Then I wrangled my toddler for a long time in the waiting room. (Jasmine was content to stay put.) And after all that work learned there was no UTI.

Playing on the examining table

Just some skin irritation (which I was told isn't uncommon when learning to go potty and wipe right and all that.) But I was glad she didn't need any medicine. And I was glad I took her because I would have worried about that a lot during our long moving process.

Random mom fact: She calls it "Silly Pee-pee" when it burns... Is the kid cute or what?!

So then we ran downstairs to get the paperwork for moving our medical records and by that point Ruby was getting to her end.

As we neared the doors she LOST it. And I mean LOST it.
Lost it like I personally have never experienced as a mom.
Jasmine is pretty low key, and didn't throw many temper tantrums my way, and if she did they were mild. (I think she owes that to Blake's calm sweet sensibility.)
Ruby on the other hand, is a all or nothing emotional being. She lets her feelings show (would you imagine that to be my genes, after reading this post? ;) )
She was done with that place and she screamed her head off.
Like the world was ending.
When she cries at home the only way to help her is to let her run down the hall, throw herself down and cry it out, then she's better. She only gets worse if you try to help.
In this situation, I don't think she would have recovered if I left her alone, but of course I couldn't in public. So I tried to console her. (Did I mention I think she may have thrown her pacifier in a toilet or bathroom garbage...either way, it was gone.)
She thrashed around as I tried to get her coat on to go back into the tundra, and I couldn't even get close to getting it on her. So I just held her and laughed. What more could I do?
Jasmine just kinda hung out and sang.
Eventually I kinda leg locked her and wrested the coat on. Somehow I also go Jasmine's coat on.
And by that point I had random workers coming over and admiring our ability to preserver so nicely through the storm. I would have expected people to come over and totally shame us. But they didn't. They just encouraged us.
It was rather awesome.
I'm telling you. They day should have been harder than I could handle. But prayer works! It was a good good day. And I loved my girls all the more by living through it.
We got McDonalds on the way home because I figured part of Ruby's break down was being hungry --- she didn't get a chance to really eat since we had this appointment. (The freak-out-when-hungry gene is also mine.) And McDonalds, while not hailed as health food, and is often scorned by parents, especially the internet over...it is safe for our food allergies. So I buy it when I need to. And I've come to a really peaceful place about that. Its fun for us when we go. And I'll cherish our family memories there.

After the girls were in bed, I packed some more dishes.

And I'm not gonna freak out if I don't pack enough of them, because I know Blake can take care of the rest after I go.

Everything is going to work out just fine.

Oh and P.S.
We also have decided that since we are moving so close to Christmas, we are gonna have our own Christmas on January 25th, so we get a chance to live the holiday stuff at a usual pace. I'm pretty excited about that!