8 Weeks Pregnant

The Belly:
We took a picture, but it's at home and I'm at my mom's house for Thanksgiving, so I'll have to get it up later. 
I'm definitely showing already, which is cool.  I like it.  I just keep wondering why.  If the baby is the size of a Lima bean, and my uterus is the size of a lime (midwife's description after feeling around), then what is making the belly stick out?  I guess it's just my body's excitement of doing this again (as well as some major bloating). 
I think it must be bloating, since the size and shape is different on a daily or even an morning-to-evening basis.  I think the photo we got caught me in full-blown bloat glory. 



Physically:
It's been kinda rough.  I don't know, the morning sickness isn't as bad as with J, but it has been worse this week than last.  For the majority of this week it's really started sucking right around 4:30pm and on (right when I'm looking forward to Blake to getting home, so I won't be the only grown-up in the house.)  And on Saturday Blake left to go to a conference, which lead to emotional strain for me---thinking about how I would be getting the house clean for an open house on Sunday (to try to sell our house), all while feeling yucky and taking care of J and being alone.  Blake's wonderful solution: the three of us ended up cleaning like crazy all day Saturday before Blake left and then J and I headed up to my mom's house for grown-up backup and emotional support---and the added ability to keep our house clean, because we wouldn't be there to mess it up!

Food:
For the beginning of the week I really couldn't stand meat.  Also, raw veggies were my tummy's death.  So it's been carbs, which kinda frustrates me since I was intending to eat so much differently.  As of today I feel like my tummy might be working its way back into more foods---meat was acceptable for dinner.  That's progress. 

Feeling:
That's a loaded question.  I've been all over the place. 
The week started out awesome.  I had my glucose test as well as a meeting with a nurse to fill out family history stuff.  Long story short, she was really sweet and kind and as we got to talking through my questions and other stuff it became really clear she was a Christian.  So when we got to the stuff about my C-section and hopes towards VBAC, I asked her to pray for me (kinda thinking she might in her spare time here and there) but she took my hands and prayed for me right there and then.  It was so amazing.  I left floating on air, just positive that God was leading me and guiding me through this pregnancy and our move to a new state. 
Then, as the morning (night) sickness got worse through the week and it was getting closer to Blake leaving, I was having a hard time keeping it together emotionally.  I cried a few times at night with Blake. 
When Monday came around I had my first official prenatal appointment.  Everything went fine---really well, actually.  But somehow my oversensitive hormonal self ended up getting panic stricken over some parts of it.  Like feeling around my pelvis for VBAC adequacy---it was good news, I have a round "normal" pelvis, but I have a slightly more-bony pubic bone than usual.  She said it shouldn't stop me, that I may need to try a couple birthing positions.  That news stirs up some emotions because that's where J got stuck for 2 hours before we ended in C-section.  But I went over J's position again with the midwife, just because I feel like I can never quite hear enough about what happened.  And, yes, she was asynclitic (basically having her ear cocked to her shoulder)---which I've known all along---but what I didn't know before was that she also was in what they call "military presentation" because they look like they are at attention with their chin up and out.  The midwife told me that even with a really adequate pelvis it's very hard to get a baby like that out.  So I shouldn't take the bony pubic bone so hard because that's really not what stopped J, but it's still a traumatic point for me.  In general, it was hard for me to talk through my thoughts and previous experience with the midwife because it brought up all these feelings I thought I was good with, but apparently my heart is still messy. 
And then I got concerned with the fact that we are moving partway through this pregnancy and that I'm needing to find a VBAC-friendly provider in a place I've never stepped foot.  I kinda started doubting my ability to make it through a pregnancy and keep my sanity. 
So I did some crying again (a couple times).
But after a good (and I mean hard) cry, I think I cleared out some stuff, because I'm feeling fine right now. 
Ah... the life of a pregnant hormonal woman. 


Baby:
It was still too early to hear the heartbeat at our appointment.  I semi-begged the midwife into attempting to listen for it, even though she told me that if she could find a heartbeat my due date would need to be like two weeks sooner, because it's just way too early now.  The baby is still tucked in to my pelvis, so the doppler just can't find him/her yet.  So she tried looking to be nice but, of course, she was right.  We couldn't hear it.  (I actually was kinda glad after she said the due date thing---I want my due date as late as possible, since J had no plans to come out near her due date and I want to give this baby as much time as I can!)  


Other:
Blake always has a conference to go to for school right before Thanksgiving.  It is my least favorite time of year.  I always miss him so much, and it's always so hard on me to have him gone right before the holiday.  Plus, this is the second time I've been first trimester pregnant during the event.  It's just really hard on me.  I'm so glad he's back and sitting next to me on the couch, ready to eat some turkey with us tomorrow!  :)