I wasn't trying to make anyone feel bad. And I wasn't trying to send any secret messages to anyone. I was just talking myself through a bunch of issues.
Honestly (and sadly) most of the VBAC/c-section statements I was working through, were made by medical staff that weren't in a position to make any sort of recommendations to me. People who may feel they were knowledgeable on the situation, but in actuality are just not in a place to know. Nurses, or non-OBGYN doctors, sonogram technicians, and the like.
And then the other general pregnancy annoying statements, usually came from grocery store encounters with strangers.
So unless you actually remember saying "Your pelvis is too small" (which I don't think you did, because the student health center doctor inspired that one) or some other specific statement I wrote about, then please know I wasn't implying it was you. But thank you for being concerned for my feelings. I appreciate it.
So, Week 29.
How did it go.
Pretty Well overall.
It took about two days for my muscles to stop being sore after my Chiropractor appointment, and after they chilled out, I felt much "less pregnant" and didn't feel overwhelmed by my bigness anymore. So that was a huge relief. (I have another appointment tonight, so I'm expecting a similar experience, but at least I am ready this time.)
So physically I felt pretty good this week. My hands and feet still aren't swelling. (yay) I'm getting up and down pretty easily still. Still not too hungry. (Well I had one hungry afternoon.) Sleeping it self is not bad. However, for a while now I get achey in my sleep. Particularly the hip I'm laying on. I think the relaxin makes them hate having weight pressing on them, but I have to sleep on them. A conundrum.
The only real sad thing this week was I had to send the hubby out, to get some embarrassing denomination of wipes, that make me feel like an old lady. If you know what I mean, then please join me in a moment of silence for my bum.
The belly strangely seems to be back down an inch. I'm sure bloating and having just eaten play a lot into my measurements.
I decided to take this week's photo wearing the same outfit I wore at 30 Weeks with J. (I didn't have the same pants anymore, so I wore my blue leggings, which I pretend are jeggings normally just worn with dresses/tunics.) I thought it would be fun to compare more exactly in the same clothes. Once I saw the photos I don't feel like I can really even attempt to compare them. My belly is a totally different shape this time. But its fun to see that so clearly.
Food. Still not excited about it. Although I think just yesterday I figured out, by eating a turkey sandwich covered in cucumber slices, that I think I would be much more into garden-fresh-type meals. I think I've been trying too much totally cooked tasting foods, and in fact would be much more interested in salads and the like. Because that cucumber tasted outstanding! So I'm going to try and menu plan up a bit of that action for Week 30. (I have a hard time using fresh produce in a timely manner. So I'm a little intimidated. But also excited to eat it!) (I wish I had a magic always-in-season garden that I didn't have to maintain, but could just go get stuff from!) (Don't we all!?)
Here I am laughing because Blake just called me a sexy carrot. (The orange shirt)
Emotions. I will say I've been doing better. I spent the majority of the week feeling good and maybe even normal. But my hope of making it one week without crying, was crushed just two days short of Week 30. (Dang it! So close!)
I still can't tell which way the baby is facing. And I thought I felt hiccups up high. And I felt them during a sleepless night with J, who was up coughing most the night, while Blake was working late trying to get a deadline completed. So I got overwhelmed. And mad. I just want to be able to feel secure in something. And not knowing if her head is down, is not good for my sanity. I haven't been able to keep myself from worrying that she is gonna refuse to put her head down, and that I will just have to walk myself up to the c-section table this time. (Last time I was wheeled there in labor, so I'm more emotionally ok with that idea. The idea of walking myself in, just kills me.)
I have an checkup on Friday, so I'm hoping she will feel her head down. But I'm worried she won't.(And if she doesn't I'm worried I will make a total fool of myself by crying and begging her to make her head get down. Which is just silly pregnant nonsense.) Please pray this baby will quit flipping around so much and feel happy to dance more in place (the head-down-place.)
Spiritually. I'm trying to work out how to trust God with this whole thing. I know it seems weird, but its not just a c-section or VBAC. Its a really deep battle for my heart. Its a really hard journey for me to get something into my heart. But I don't know what it is. I mean other than "faith."
I'm worried that if I don't figure out the right way to put this in God's hands, I will end up permanently distrusting Him forever. And obviously I want to avoid that. I know it sounds over dramatic. It sounds that way to me too. But that's where I am at. And I am trying to get to a place where I can know He is good no matter what. I hate that its so hard for me.
J's been really cute and cuddly this week. Volunteering many hugs and kisses. Talking to the baby a lot. Giving her hugs and kisses. She's been starting to say her words with this paused upward inflection at the end, which is cracking me up -- she sounds like she's trying to be Italian.
She's starting to just naturally know its almost time for Blake to come home, she starts looking for him out the door or window and saying things like "Oh Daddy, Where are you?" Which is really cute and sweet. (But I do start to feel bad if she starts doing this too soon, because then she starts getting sad if he doesn't come home fast enough for her.)
When he gets home, she immediately wants him to take her outside ("owside") to go get the mail and then play for a bit in the fresh air. The other day they were outside playing in the landscaping rocks, and they picked out the smallest smoothest one and called it "Baby Rock" and they brought it in with them. Now she will see it and just refer to it as "Baby." (I have to watch her with it though, she will put it in her mouth! Which totally scares me. Not sure if she would hurt her teeth or try and swallow it, its just the right size to where its small enough that she could, but big enough that it would be very bad. So I keep it up on the table most the time. She seems happy to just say hi to it.)
Our Trip to the Park:
We had to go through this tunnel to get to the slide
I'm hoping these toddler antics help put me into labor this time!
Do you know how silly I feel dragging this belly through here?
I barely fit!
This has gotta be good for labor starting!
This is the face I get now when I say "Say Cheese"
She was a total dare devil and climbed the slide (like up the slide, not the stairs.)
Its a tall slide!
As well as went down this slide headfirst -- no fear!